Saturday, February 28, 2009

poker night

Poker night was fun, even though the other four kept making lawyer jokes that I didn't get. "Plausible deniability" was a punchline to my favorite moment of the night, and "easements" were mentioned more than once.

It went late into the night (got home at 2am, driven by saintly L--), but in the end, I managed to win! I've never won at poker (come close, but always blow it all by the end). I just kept getting straights. The power of positive thinking. Can't think of much else to say about it, though. It's nice to be home.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

i'm not an alcoholic, i'm from new orleans

Back home in New Orleans. Poker night tomorrow, with L and L. And then margaritas Saturday! Margaritas are the only drink I crave anymore, and unfortunately, my favorite margarita is at Chuy's, in a town where I ostensibly don't drink. But I'm sure there are places here with delicious margaritas. Taqueria Corona? mmmm

But now, on to researching. I can't tell you how revved up I am about going to Russia in a week. it makes me almost be happy to be in school.

more beatles

Love this song

(black white greed red, can i take my friend to bed

pink brown yellow orange and blue, i love you)

what can i do to make you care?

J-- sang the Corrs at karaoke, and it's made me rediscover them. I put in the first CD, and the first song was like they knew my life. Here's the deal: huge crush, probably married or at least otherwise taken, also seems completely oblivious to my existence, and also seems to be a creepy freak. Perfect recipe for love (at least on my end). I won't give any other details, lest anyone finds out my shameful secret. Besides the million people I've already told.

I talked to my brother for an hour. We are opposite people. Like complete opposite. On the one hand, my greatest fantasy about my crush is that our hands perhaps brush during ....(edited to retain anonymity)... or perhaps we go to .....(edited).... to adopt babies. (That's a fantasy already, (crush) just gets plugged into the picture.) On the other hand.....(sorry for all the ellipses and parentheticals) brother is the opposite. I wish I could give details, but I promised I wouldn't.
I'm the wolf today. Hey, hey, hey! I'll huff, I'll puff, I'll huff I'll puff I'll blow you away.

Monday, February 23, 2009

i told you it wasn't going to get better

just saw a girl with her sweatpants tucked into her Uggs. I'm not a fashionista by any means, which is why I don't like Uggs so much to begin with, nor the trend of tucking your jeans or leggings into them. But sweatpants is completely, utterly wrong.


caffeine crash. all is bleak. all is dark. nothing promises to change.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


slight worries, slight worries.

i have this whole saturday to work, and it's cold outside, but it looks beautiful. Perfect, like yesterday was, like when I got all those candles, and did all those nagging chores that had items waiting in my car for me to complete them. The candles made things better when I got back home. And talking with J.

But anyway, slight worries...waiting for mom to call back. Everything's fine, everything's fine. Had a nightmare, that's all, had a setback, that's all. Have a lot of work to complete and understand before tomororw's tutorial, that's all. Will survive.

Have a radio show I'm subbing for tonight, from 2-3am central time. Will record, I'm sure. But if you ever want to dial in and talk and make a request, you have to listen live.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

15 albums that changed my life

As I'm still deciding whether/where to do my 25 things, this meme seemed too important to pass up. It will also make me feel less lame for not having done a Top 10 for 2008.

These aren't all time favorites -- you'll notice Pixies, Hem, Regina Spektor, Sibylle Baier, The Smiths, Sufjan Stevens, Underworld, Darren Hanlon, Fleet Foxes, Frente, Grandaddy, Jeff Buckley, Bob Dylan, The Spice Girls, Bjork, Blur, Crosby Still a&nd Nash, The Delgados, and many other major ones are not on here. Non-embedded links (i.e., mom, the kind you can't just lick to listen to) are deep-linked--if you do click on them, it will take you to the exact spot in the video I'm talking about.

Also, there are a few albums that changed my life like Steely Dan, Manhattan Transfer and Weather Report, but I'd rather not talk about those.

Help! - The Beatles
Any Beatles album could go here, really. But this might be my favorite. In the movie Help!, there's a scene where Paul McCartney plays a girl like a guitar to the tune of "Another Girl" and this probably awoke in me not just deep sexual feelings, but also feelings of wanting to be with someone forever and ever. Foreign feelings to a 12 years old. And since I listened to the UK version of the album, other favorites were "Yesterday," "I've Just Seen a Face," and "I Need You." In fact, all of the Beatles-penned songs on the album are probably among my top 25 favorite Beatles songs. I feel like it's cheating to encapsulate all the ways the Beatles albums changed my life in just one entry, but I must try.

OK Computer - Radiohead
What else can I say about this? This is no surprise to any of you who have talked to me for more than 10 minutes. But the first time I heard this was 6am, at swim practice, and I did breast stroke so I could keep my head above water more to hear it. Maybe this was when breaststroke become my stroke of choice, and that right there is a way it changed my life. But it continued to effect me for years. When my grandfather died, my dad was listening to this album for the first time, and he said all he could think as he watched his own father fail on life support was "Breathe, keep breathing" from Exit Music, which is why I must cry every time I hear that song, and why it is physically impossible for me to sing along. Every song has a moment like that, where its utter beauty is intermingled with a devestating moment of my life. "Kill me Sarah, kill me again, with love." Sorrow and horror become beauty and wonder. To again cheat and bring in more than one Radiohead album to this one entry, "Street Spirit" is one of my very favorite songs for the same reasons...such a dark song, all ending with "immerse yourself in love." It was confusing for a long time, until Katy told me "because that's all you can do sometimes. That's all you have sometimes, but you always have it." It helps me remember that I do always have love.

Evita - Andrew Lloyd Weber
My goodness, I wore holes in these CD! I still know the entire libretto by heart. I've seen the play twice. I just adore all the songs, even when Madonna's singing them (although I had the white-covered, studio-recorded version). I was fascinated when, 10 years after my obsession, a boyfriend's relative had a book that tied the lyrics to all the actual historical events. I looked through it longingly for hours on a trip to New York, wishing desperately I could give it to my 11-year-old self.

Blame It on the Rain - Milli Vanilli
This was the first "cool" album that I genuinely liked. I felt popular at camp for liking it, and I knew most of the words to most of the songs. It was also one of the first 3 CDs I ever owned (along with Faith No More and Martika). I remember riding home from school in 4th grade and mom telling me "We got a CD player today!" She was clearly excited by this news, but I had no earthly idea what she was talking about. Until, for my birthday, I received those 3 shiny CDs.

To The Extreme - Vanilla Ice
Speaking of firsts, Vanilla Ice was my first (and possibly only) tape. I have to include it because I really knew a lot of these words. Like Milli Vanilli, it made me feel cool at the time. But it sure doesn't now. It sure. Doesn't. Now.

"Ice, Ice Baby" (Yo, VIP, let's kick it!)

Mix Tapes from Friends
Anya gave me my first ever mix tape, as an apology for something. It was a fabulous tape, full of all the indie bands she, as a very Cool Person, knew about. Soul Coughing, Camper Van Beethoven, Joy Division. Sam, my boyfriend, gave me a ton of tapes, all filled with sophisticated adult music like Freedy Johnston, James Taylor, and Billy Joel. Not Very Cool, but enjoyable nonetheless. Leigh and I exchanged mixes, and she gave me my last mix tape in college, introducing me to Portland acts including Elliott Smith.

Mix CDs from Friends
I have loved every mix CD I've ever received. The thought that goes into a mix usually guarantees it will be a worthy endeavor, and there's never been a mix where I didn't fall head over heels in love with at least one song. My first mix CD may have been from Chad. I make him biannual mixes still, trying to repay him for that one. It had the

"Gelfling Song" from the Dark Crystal, and it had

"Ashokan Farewell" from the Civil War documentary. Andy mailed me a mix all the way to India, which sustained me through many a dark night along with his first mix for me. The song I fell in love most with was by

K's choice, but he also introduced me to Tanya Donnelly, Hooverphonic, and Architecture in Helsinki, all of whom I play on my show now. Nadine makes wonderful CDs, and she is my most regular exchanger. Last October, my favorites were the

Be Good Tanyas,

The Helio Sequence, and Joshua James. In England her first one introducted me to Dar Williams, and Eddie From Ohio. Ron's introduced me to Vetiver, Gillian Welch, and

Mark Kozelek (of Sun Kil Moon), but he has never given me a second one, which breaks my heart. Josh introducted me to all sorts of indie music, but I will always thank him most for introducing me to Angelene, by PJ Harvey.

The Magnolia Soundtrack (Aimee Mann)
Any album I listened to ad nauseum makes some stamp on my life...or really, vice versa. So a few of these, you could say are albums that my life changed. This album was imprinted during the World's Largest Road Trip with Katy and Lauren. We listened to the 6 Aimee Mann songs until we knew ever word of every song. Then we listened to them 400 times more. Hearing any one of these songs take me back to being 20 (19?), with my two best friends in the middle of America, doing god know's what, but certainly not your typical bachanalian road trip happenings.
Is This Desire? - PJ Harvey
Thanks to a CD from Josh, I learned that PJ Harvey might not be the terrifying experience I'd always seen her to be. In fact, she could be glorious, (to quote her, "imagine your whole self filled with light."). I learned not to write off things that I don't have a lot of information. It's a lesson I'm constantly learning in real life, but I've gotten better at understanding it in music.

Boy With the Arab Strap - Belle and Sebastian
One of my all-time favorite albums. It made me eventually realize that whatever he may think, my dad is not the end-all opinion on music. Far from it. It eventually led me to the realization that he's also not the smartest man in the world and also not the best guitarist that ever lived. These were things I was raised believing, so it was a weird epiphany. But Belle and Sebastian were too important, and when dad didn't like them, those two realities collided. I chose Stuart Murdoch over my dad.

Arthur (or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire) - The Kinks
OK, but dad was right about this one. One of my favorite albums of ever, and it introduced me in a major way to the Kinks. There are better Kinks albums, but this is the one that opened a musical chapter in my life.


Trust - Low
This is another "imprinted" album. I got it from the Austin library and had it memorized (lyrics and music) by the time I returned it 3 weeks later. It's seeped in dark, but it swells like religion, and makes me love Mormons all the more. But it will always make me think of my first months in Austin, when the city was still just a stopping point. Now I know I'll always love Austin, and I will stay here if I possibly can.

"(That's How You Sing) Amazing Grace"

Nick Drake
A compilation that is currently unavailable. My dad introduced me to Nick Drake through this CD, and I woke up to Fruit Tree almost every day for a year. I once said I wanted to make a music video of River Man, and my friend making fun of me said "Shot of river...cut to, man slitting his wrists." I was irate! Nick Drake is not depressing! Nick Drake is mellow. Like Radiohead (who, OK, can be depressing sometimes), he keeps you company while you're down, he helps you NOT slit your wrists, because you don't feel quite so alone.

Hail to the Thief - Radiohead

So I failed utterly to keep it to just one album from my two favorites (Radiohead and the Beatles), but doesn't it look nice, the two bookends? Well, this one...I don't know what to say about it. It grew on me like few other albums ever have, and it was the first album I saw them perform live. Something about

Thom Yorke dancing to Myxomytosis makes my stomach flip. I remember listening to the Gloaming as I walked through pitch dark woods at Twin Oaks, feeling along the trail with my bare feet. Getting chills from the line "Murderers, you murderers, we are not the same as you."

Sgt. Pepper - The Beatles

Oh, it's so pointless to pick a second Beatles album. I could pick them all. But there's something about that red cover that always makes this one stand out in my mind. Even though Abbey Road is my favorite album after Help!, this one made me feel high for like a month. I never did drugs, but I felt like I did them with the Beatles. They were the only thing I knew that made drugs seem cool. Certain others certainly made it not seem cool ;) But THIS...

I want to go to there

Monday, February 16, 2009


I didn't get much sleep last night, between the marathon, and my 3am show. I slept for 27 minutes in the library this morning. Then I woke and wrote a whole lot on my paper (it's so much easier when you don't cite anything--I'll go back and do that later. It will be easier this way), but I printed it out to edit some basic stuff (like cross-references to sections that I don't remember the name of because it's all of TEN PAGES of actual text), and then realized I don't have any writing implement. Karandash! Oh, the Russian is coming back. Kakoy uzhas (the not having a pencil, not the Russian coming back).

Those of you who've been to Russia (so....Katia....and maybe Katya if she still reads during her busy job), if you had to, say, give a little talk to a bunch of frightened first-timers to put them on guard of what to expect, but also reassure them that it's going to be the trip of a lifetime, what kind of things would you tell them? I'm going to mention not smiling too much, and to be careful of pickpockets, but they've already been told things like that (that's why they're scared). In fact, here is a (rather hilarious exchange) between our Czech travel agent Jana and a boy in the back row (bitbr)

Jana: So, fellows, pretty ladies will be coming up to you and saying things like, oh, I want to practice my English, oh, can you come with me to keep me safe on my walk, oh, please let me buy you a drink. And then you are trapped in a scam!
bitbr: Yeah... wow...any of those would work!

Sunday, February 15, 2009


it. was. awesome.

i'll try to write more later. suffice it to say, i've got a great group of friends. and the same scenes choke me up every time. and every single item in my kitchen is getting cleaned tonight.

Lord of the Rings marathon ideas

So, tomorrow is the big day! 10.5 hours, at least, of LOTR madness. I took all my plates and glasses down to the clubhouse. This is probably boring to my regular friends reading, but I thought I'd put all the details of my plans and ideas up for anyone else wanting to hold a LOTR marathon. I bought an extra chair on Craigslist, a little rocker, after trying to get some cheap bean bag chairs. (there will be 11 of us; it would be pretty cool if there were 9, like the fellowship; I would advise this for anyone else :)

It's potluck, and it's vegetarian, but here is our menu, and how I'm spinning it. I created description tags for these, using the ElvenCommonSpeak font.
  • mini-donuts (from Hobbiton)
  • jewel-shaped ice (from Mines of Moria--you'd need a mold for this)
  • popcorn (from the Misty Mountains--I was thinking like snow)
  • croissants (to be lembas, from Lothlorian)
  • beer (from Bree; specifically from the Prancing Pony, where it comes in pints)
  • wine (from Rivendell. I feel like elves would in reality be teetotalers, but I bet if they DID make alcohol, it would be very fine. The wine is from New Zealand, obviously)
  • fruits and cheese (from the Shire)
  • vegetarian chili (I'm just calling this from Middle Earth because it seems good and wholesome)
  • chocolate chip cookies (from Gondor, the lands of men. Who's to say men didn't enjoy a good cookie back then?)
  • Various snack foods (from Rohan...because they would need stuff for the road)
  • coffee and tea (hmmm... I didn't think of where this could have come from. Any ideas?)
  • Breakfast tacos (these, clearly, are from Texas)

I also changed my ringtone to The Bridge Of Khazad Dum because that starts out with the theme of the movies. I also made a mix CD for everyone, and it goes like this:

  1. Machinae Supremacy (song:Hybrid)
  2. Led Zeppelin (song:Misty Mountain Hop)
  3. Emiliana Torrini (song:Gollum's Song)
  4. Genesis (song:Stagnation; there's a line in here that's supposedly about Gollum)
  5. Rush (song:Rivendell)
  6. Annie Lennox (song:Into the West)
  7. Led Zeppelin (song:The Battle Of Evermore)
  8. Enya (song:May It Be )
  9. Nickel Creek (song:In the House of Tom Bombadil)
  10. Blind Guardian (song: Lords Of The Rings)
  11. Bo Hansson (song:At the House of Elrond and the Ring)
  12. Gandalf (song:The River of Permanent Changes V)
  13. The Lord Of The Rings (song:The Council Of Elrond)
  14. Styx (song:Lords Of The Ring)

I am ready for this marathon!!!!!!!!11111 And unashamedly so. Except now I feel like I'm waiting for Christmas, when J will get here in the morning to help me set up. He offered his card table and TV trays so I didn't have to rent a table to put all the food on.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

mmmmmm. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM .... depressed zombie noises coming from me. that sound you make when you're 13 and mom is waking you up to go to school. that's what's in my heart. i have to get a ton of work done today because tomorrow is the LOTR marathon, then I have 6 hours to sleep before my radio show, and then my date (from the internet). And this is all following yesterday's demoralizing career fair. RMRMRMMMRMMMRRRRR! (slightly angry zombie noise). This also makes me think of the zombie Pride and Prejudice. Which I hope they make into a movie.

Here is a song for you to download. One of my favorites from the last week. My Love (in honor of Valentine's Day!) by Bird and the Bee.

I am excited about the marathon. I think it's going to go really well. There will be at least 10 of us. And Dad's jewel shaped ice mold will be perfect to make something from the Mines of Moria. I really will get back to working now though.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

it's alive!

Here are my radio shows! You can check this link for the recordings of them, and it also means I'll be able to share one-off songs with you from now on, when I really fall in love with one and want to make you listen!

what is this thing called happiness?

In Russian we were going around saying "Happiness is...[something]" and then the person next to us would agree or disagree before giving their own version of happiness. It was the first time I was called on, and I said "Happiness is when you have a cat." Which was moderately well received by the class. But the person next to me was hilarious when he accidentally said "I disagree--happiness is when you have some napkins." I don't know what he was actually trying to say, but I keep laughing about it.

Monday, February 09, 2009


Does it seem weird to anyone else that I'm writing an official letter of query about my employment with the CIA to an AOL EMAIL ACCOUNT?? I mean, seriously, did they run out of emails at the domain or something? This feels ..... OH, like in Alias, when *spoiler from episode 1* it wasn't really the CIA after all. Ha HA! I'm onto them.

Oh please try to rest those peepers
I'm jealous of easy sleepers
Try not to think so hard
You might break something.

This could be a problem, the 3am thing. I've been tired/asleep all day now. Argh. I can't wait for school to be over. I think the real career preparation for me has been the happiness I will experience from just having a regular job, with responsibilities I can leave behind at the end of the day. In theory. If not, well, that's what hypnotherapy is for.


Looking for a lembas recipe for the LOTR marathon. Anyone have one? I guess my backup is butter croissants, and just labeling them lembas. People won't know they're from the grocery store and not Lothlorien. Until they get hungry an hour later.

at the radiostation

Well, it's my first real FM show (non-subbing). I'm excited, but also tired. But I couldn't get to sleep beforehand (because I was so excited, I guess).

I get the feeling I'm going to have lots of (boring) updates from the radio because there's a lot of tiny down-time as I play songs. Blah. I'm halfway through.

What else can I talk about? I'm two episodes behind on BSG. I'm trying online dating again, but am wary of it, not because of potential psycho-killer-ness, but because...well...isn't everything just so BORING? Yes, I thought so. More news: I am hungry. I miss my cats, I don't know what I'm going to do for 2 weeks when I go to Russia (which is in less than a month!!!).

I am having serious mic issues in the booth here. Because I'm an idiot, no other reason whatsoever. I just forgot to turn it off for the last 3 songs, and only thought to check when I started humming along with the song. AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Chocolate rocks! See it!

Friday, February 06, 2009

New Space Ghost? This one tailor-made for Ginny.

Thursday, February 05, 2009


I wish I hadn't eaten all that cheese. Oh lord how I wish that.

Favorite Simpsons quote for tonight: I wish God were alive to see this.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009


I've listened to and liked-ok the Fleet Foxes for a while now. I think there's a general feeling amongst people I've talked to that they don't like them as much as they "should." I guess what I mean is "could." Knowing there are people around that absolutely rave about them, and just not feeling that way myself, I feel like I'm missing out. Some people don't believe you about Radiohead, and that's just their loss. So, it's my loss when there's a band I secretly think is emperor's new clothes. But then I heard the Sun Giant EP all the way through, and I'm pretty sure I get it now. I want to make copies for all my friends and family.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

leadfill the hole in me

well, what can i say? it's chilly in my apartment, but my back door isn't frozen shut like some people's. in fact, my back door is open, which is why it's cold enough to require a bath.

i've just applied to the CIA, wish me luck (I don't know if luck will be in getting the job or not getting the job).

i got some work done on the paper this morning. what if i turns out after all these years that i'm productive in the mornings? if so, i'm screwed, because i'm never awake then.

Monday, February 02, 2009

professor who

in class. professor is totally doctor who (any of them).
Oh, this wretched paper. It will never get done. It will never get started! I don't even know how to do it. I'm going to see the hypnotist Friday. He will solve everything.

In the meantime, I have made Craigslist purchases: Laptop backpack, wireless mouse, other accessories, webcam (anyone want to Skype?).

I am constantly weary (another problem for the hypnotist). My superficial sleep means lots of lucid dreams, but I can never think of anything interesting to do. Flying and making out with Mr Darcy seem too cliche. So, please suggest something I can do when I wake up inside my dream.