we went to this great divey bar that's dressed like christmas all the year round. anyway, i went to look at what all their trophies were for, but i couldn't reach there. i did notice that inside this giant wooden box, under glass, and hard to see with the glare of the christmas lights, was an odd assortment of toys and a scary cymbal-monkey. i made katy come look, and we were fascinated. an eldery gentleman came up and looked with us. i explored what we were looking at and finally realized it was a grand piano! so i said "it's a grand piano!!!" and the elderly gentleman said "Well, of course it's a piano!" and i said "but where are the strings at?" and he said "what?" and i said "i mean, where are the, you know, piano strings at--there's monkeys in there!!"* and he started giggling and went away. i thought that was the end of it, but he came back with a flashlight, so we could better see the piano innards. there was a puppy that did a back flip, that scary monkey doing something obscene with another puppy, a few gorillas, a few santa clauses, and a plastic hand giving the finger to a santa claus and a dachsund. i asked the elderly gentleman if he worked there, and he said "it's pretty, isn't it?" talking about the christmas-tree face he had coaxed to sing by plugging it in.
that will be katy's standard response to people asking her if she works somewhere, except at wal-mart, where they might take that for a 'yes.'
*for some reason i felt like i momentarily was possessed by someone from another era or region, like the time i yelled at my brother "i'm lookin f'you a job, ya bum!!"
Also, I forgot this graffito in the ladies' toilet:
Chuck Norris destroyed the table of elements because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It turns out there's a whole website. I had no idea.
Potty Training Round Four
4 hours ago