nice.

temperature: 65

feels like: 65

days like this i can't decide between latte and iced latte. oh, and mom, lattes and cappucinos ARE the same--except lattes have a latte more milk (haha! inside joke! inside HILARIOUS joke!)

things i do that i love:

• have a boyfriend (well, have MY boyfriend)
• have two cats (MY two cats)
• play games
• make cookies
• travel
• not drink alcohol (feels great!)
• box (even if I've missed about 4 classes in a row; i like to hit)
• have my own place
• wash my hair infrequently
• have plants that are still alive
• drink perrier and ginger beer when feeling extravagant

things that i do that i do not love

• be in school
• take lots of math classes with bad teachers
• have enemies
• have my own place which often has no hot water
• sing and play the guitar
• not have a dryer that works
• take home exams
• group projects
• papers
• teach (sometimes)

i will not obsess, i will not obsess, i will not obsess

true story: i hated high school! this is one reason i don't want to go to my reunion. just the fact that it's happening is stirring up unpleasant feelings in me, and i'm sorry my therapist is out of town this week. for god's sake, it was 10 years ago! i harbor dislike for people that don't exist anymore. no one is who they were in high school. (thank god). but for some reason, i don't want to find this out at the reunion. it has something to do with cognitive dissonance--if i find out the people i dislike so much are really not so bad after all, all that hating i did is in vain.

right now, i also am hating school, but not for the same reason. people at LBJ are great. the work is not so great. i'm ready for an awesome job and awesome pay, but i figure i should finish up here first.

nyc (sung like from Annie)

Had a delightful trip to New York with my mom, and today with Dad, too. We ate like EVERYTHING. Yakitori is my new favorite food. Bought the following: blue velvet jacket (but not like in the movie, or the song), waterproof boots, eyeliner (side note: Mom bought this for me at a department store, where they put mascara on me with a battery-powered mascara wand!!!!. true story. they said they were the only place in the world that had them, which means I was only sharing eye diseases with New Yorkers, I guess. As if I need more crap to go wrong with my eyes), and two shirts (two CUTE shirts). Got a CD of classical music--Emily Dickinson poems set to music by my mom's friend, but that was for free! Went to Wicked, which was completely awesome! Better than the book. Saw three of my own friends (N, N, and S). Got interviewed by CNN, turned down and interview with the Today Show.

Then came. And sat. In the loudest airport in the world. For four hours. There is a baby screaming like I have never, ever heard a baby scream. My eardrums are bleeding. And just when I think an announcement cycle is done (please attend to your bags, please note this gate change, please bring your own headphones), some alarm or another goes off, the place suddenly because a disco of red strobe lights, the guy on the phone next to me starts arguing that the capital gains tax is too high. Things that make me want to cry and/or hit someone.

Gov Palin and Katie Couric (SNL)

in case you haven't seen this...it's mostly for my mom...i couldn't stop laughing at the one when she didn't know the answer and kept talking anyway.

today I become a man

Here is a film that I really enjoyed when I saw it at SXSW (it also happens to be directed and edited by two of my friends). I think it's hilarious. Mocha is also the one giving the advice on how to be a woman being a man.



compliment? and deflect!

green bottle

I just spent the weekend playing good cop to my professor's bad cop for a class's oral midterms. I ingested 16 people's nervous energy. By the 15th hour, this conversation was had:

Professor [to student]: Ah, yes, we can take a break, that's OK. We can let Carrie enjoy her...drink...her...what is that??
Me: Beer! What?

A jolly laugh was had by all, especially when I revealed it was ginger beer, my latest, high-priced bad habit.

city of ember

I just saw the movie City of Ember, which was pretty good! It was like Dark City 'r' Us!

I also became convinced during the movie that my Roomba would save me from bad guys if it came down to it, just like the roomba in the movie did.

help!

I need a name for my radio show (free form indie rock)! And I need a cool DJ name. Please please please have a brilliant idea and put it in the comment box!

every single thing i try

the worms that were in my heart a week ago were replaced by shining, happy butterflies. but now it feels as if my pericardium were made of boiling-hot acid, and the pulp of my heart is being slowly eaten away. poor heart, going through so much.

Let me just name the things on my mind, in advance of therapy. Or in lieu. This is a lot cheaper anyway.

i might have hit some kind of animal on the drive home last night. I really have no way to know this, I just know I lost control of the car for a split second, and now my brain is in overdrive, wondering if the car felt like something squishy was under the wheels.

i may have just gotten my first genuine D on a test, from a professor that i want to have respect for me, since she'll be judging my paper that's due friday.

i have a 15 page paper due friday! it's coming along very slowly, and i don't think it contains any of the necessary information that it should. it's about india, and my work there this summer. oh god

on the radio last night, during the giveaway, i didn't know the number and the other DJ had to quickly come to the mic to say it. i felt like a fool! not to mention i have a friend-crush on this DJ, and now all hope is lost!

i am nervous about going back on the radio tonight. so nervous. because what if i don't know the number again? or what if i don't know something else important? like how to turn the microphone off in the studio while i'm playing a song?

what if someone calls just to talk like they did last night, and we don't have time to talk to them? do i just hang up on them?

what if during boxing tomorrow i just pass straight out because it's been so long since i exercized? this is a very, vvery real possibilty, and it is verrry not Badass, which is the point of going boxing.


god, i feel so sick that i didn't enjoy my chocolate cake at all. on and off for the past week, i've had no appetite. i know i'm hungry, but i don't enjoy eating, not even things like chocolate cake! i think it has something to do with my heart. like what i said earlier about the pericardium being just a sac of acid at this point. i think there's something to that.

[primal scream, silent, out into the coffeeshop; gets one more latte]

even more birthday greetings

C днём рождения, Katia!

everyone's a critic

I try not to be offended that Xander runs away every time I pick up my guitar, but it's hard. He's such a thoughtful cat otherwise.

happy birthday

Happy Birthday, Karam!

smiles in the sunshine and tears in the rain

One of my favorite Paul McCartney songs, his mullet in the video notwithstanding.

I got tear duct plugs (punctal plugs) today. It doesn't mean I can't cry anymore, it means I cry more because the tears don't have a drain. Which is just great as I had to go through 10 tissues in therapy today.



I don't have any money!. Tissue can get expensive. But then again, so can tear duct plugs. I am poor now.

[looking at an antibacterial mattress covers while shopping to go off to college]

Mom: No, you can't have one.
Me: But Mom think of all the people who've slept on those mattresses!
Mom: And they all survived, now let's go.

production curve

Had a moderately productive night, having woken up at 2:30 and been unable to go back to sleep. The cats slept peacably by my feet as I prepared a 23 slide powerpoint for my presentation on my summer that I have later today. My neck is stiff, but I have a chiro appointment in 2 hours, so that works.

I'm excited that I'll be starting my internship at the radio station soon. That means I'll be getting my show soon. Hopefully it won't play out like my dream, in which I spilled apple juice on the control board and then insulted another DJ by calling him the "old guy" when he was standing right behind me.

I might take a 1 hour nap, speaking of dreams. I've been having a lot of them lately, and I keep forgetting to update my dream journal. It's weird to re-read that journal because I often have no memory of the dreams, even after I've written them down. I had an interesting nightmare a few nights ago.

I got a fan for my birthday. Like an old-fashioned oscillating fan, from my mom. it's been the best thing ever. I haven't use the AC for weeks now, and this means I can leave the doors open, which means the cats get some balcony time. They still haven't mastered the cat door, so I'm getting lots of bugs, but that's OK.

I have the sea ponies song stuck in my head.

more birthday greetings

Happy Birthday to Jamie!