Tuesday, January 15, 2008

19: the edge of reason

one thing that makes me never want to write blogs again is reading my old blogs. it's horrendous reading things you wrote when you were 19! it should be banned! this is the same thing with old diaries and things so the fact that other people have read the writing makes it all the worse. what's the point of writing if i never want to re-read it? that's not the point of a diary! at the same time, i want to remember things (note: i've made a new playlist on iTunes, songs of forgetting and remembrance), and my brain cannot be relied on for anything except -that time i dropped the milk in the cafeteria and everyone laughed-. (insert your own humiliating memory that you should long since have forgotten)

but then i thought: what if i'd done something truly terrible when i was 19? i know people do important things when they're 19 (in college, we had a whole list of these people, because we were 18 and gearing up for our big year, but right now all i can remember is that lauren bacall and julia roberts made their big-screen debuts at 19, and that's just okay, but nothing you can really aspire to), but they also do embarassing things. for instance, what if had named myself something silly, like 'the edge,' and was still stuck with that name at the age of 45? now that would be a truly terrible legacy of being a teenager.

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