want to, want to, put you together

want to more and more

I forgot all about blogs. I haven't read them. I haven't updated them. They are so long and tedious, and living life is so much more fun. What have I been doing with my spare time? Sleeping. And diagnosing myself as to why I'm sleeping so much. Working. Hanging out. Working out. Watching movies (Hellboy II was awesome). Watching TV shows (going to watch the fantastic Richard Armitage* in Robin Hood Thursday at the clubhouse with a friend after we make chocolate covered strawberries). Looking at dogs and deciding not to get them when it comes down to it. They are so high energy, and I am not. And plotting, plotting, plotting. I'm hoping we're st ill on the exposition of my story.

*not the former secretary of state.

abjure

Man goes beyond his own decision
Gets caught up in the mechanism
Of swindlers who act like kings
And brokers who break everything
The dark of night was swiftly fading
Close to the dawn of day
Why would I want him just to lose him again

No.

• The Scarlet Tide (Elvis Costello/Allison Krauss)

the not awesome things

oh the cuckoo
she's a pretty bird
she warbles as she flies
but she never
says cuckoo
till the fourth day of July

Up in the air! It's a bird, it's a plane! It's my life!

It's probably tedious and obnoxious and not good reading at all to read about the good things in someone's life (unless you're my mom). Well, let me assure you, this is an exercise to keep from despairing about the utter directionlessness of everything. The summer is melting me, heart and soul. My sleep doctor, who cost a pretty penny, gave me useless advice about going out in the sun more and taking medicine that costs $150/month. I signed up for eHarmony for god knows why, but now regret it and don't know what I'll do for the next 3 months of rejections. I have a great internship, and it's not what I want. I feel like my entire two years of school has been a waste, but I can't think of anything better to have done, except maybe to have gotten an esthetician's license. I have a new BFF, but he's very, very far away. The number of children in Texas without health insurance is astounding. Only the number living in poverty is more so. I'm starting to begrudge my radio show all the work and exhaustion it causes, and I don't feel like I'm enjoying music like I used to. I listened to the Sugababes on repeat this morning, and now I feel like gagging. And the other day I went to get my cupcake, but they were sold out.

• Traditional

awesome things?

A work conference with really Good People, another trip to Barton Springs, a dinner with geeky ladies, a party where we all had to wear hats, a party where we drank tea, an evening of Sufi devotional music in the hot Texas outdoors, an interview at a spa, joining a gym and going two days in a row, while reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, seeing the Brothers Bloom with Andy, playing D&D, my mom's planned visit next weekend, having half of today off for the holiday, being really good friends with both my cats, seeing Christine this coming Sunday, having Saturday completely free for yoga and working out and invoicing for my work, depositing my paychecks at the bank today, thinking up the name "Rusty Pickens."

This is so tiresome.