Wednesday, November 07, 2007

self-pity: destroyer of class presentations

Well, I have this big presentation tomorrow, plus I'm trying to leave for New Orleans right after class (which involves some cat preparation, packing, loading up with audiobooks). So, what am I doing? Feeling all sorry for myself. But then I found a way to make myself feel better. Unfortunately, it's not by throwing myself headlong into all the work I have to do. It's by making myself the Perfect Breakup Mix. I'm still working out the songlist and order, but here's a first draft. You have to know some of the songs for them to make sense in their order, but this is one of the few mixes I've done that has more to do with the lyrics in the songs going together, rather than the general mood of the song. Some of them are chosen primarily for their title, though. Also, it was interesting that at my first instinct, the PJ Harvey, Radiohead, and Beatles songs were naturally clustered. I guess I have my favorites for certain parts of the mourning process. This list is separate from the list called "Breakup Songs -- Too Sad." This is the "up" list. I think this is several dying/breaking up relationships all in one. There are multiple speakers in this tracklist-conversation.

  • You're So Great - Blur
  • For No One - Beatles
    and in her eyes, you see nothing, no sign of love behind the tears cried for no one; a love that should have lasted years.
  • Is That All There Is? - PJ Harvey and John Parish
    Then one day, he went away, and I thought I'd die. But I didn't. And when I didn't, I said to myself "Is that all there is to love?"
  • This Mess We're In - PJ Harvey and Thom Yorke
    I don't think we will meet again; and you must leave now, before the sun rises over skyscrapers
  • Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
    When routine bites hard and ambitions are low, and the resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow.
  • You're Going to Make Me Lonesome When You Go - Madeline Peyroux (Dylan)
    Situations have ended sad, relationships have all been bad. Mine've been like Verlaine and Rimbaud. But there's no way I can compare all those scenes to this affair.
  • Seeing Other People - Belle and Sebastian
    (at least that's what we say we are doing)
  • We Can Work It Out - Beatles
    Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting
  • Dear Boy - Paul McCartney
    I hope you never know how much you missed, dear boy. And even when you fall in love, dear boy, it won't be half as good as this.
  • Creep - Radiohead
  • Metal Heart - Cat Power
    Metal heart, you're not worth a thing to me.
  • How to Fight the Lonliness - Wilco
  • Wise Up - Aimee Mann
    You got what you want, now you can hardly stand it. You're sure there's a cure, and you have finally found it.
  • Breathe Me - Sia
    I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again, and the worse part is there's no one else to blame.
  • Only A Broken Heart - Tom Petty
    I know your weakness, you've seen my dark side; the end of the rainbow is always a long ride.
  • Everybody Hurts - REM
  • Let Down - Radiohead
    Don't get sentimental. It always ends up know where you are with floor collapsing, falling, bouncing back.
  • Song For the Dumped - Ben Folds Five
    So you wanted to take a break, slow it down some and have some space; well, fuck you, too.
  • We'll Meet Along the Way - Hem
    Go easy now....later on the road is going to break your world in two.
  • Fidelity - Regina Spector
    Suppose I never ever met you. Suppose we never fell in love.
  • If I Needed Someone - Beatles
    If I had some more time to spend, then I guess I'd be with you, my friend.
  • I'm Looking Through You - Beatles
    Why tell me why did you not treat me right? Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight.*
  • Red Rubber Ball - The Cyrkle
    Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea. If I never heard your name again, it's all the same to me.
  • All Things Must Pass - George Harrison
    Now the darkness only stay the nighttime. In the morning it will fade away. Daylight is good at arriving at the right time. It's not always going to be this grey.**
  • True Love Will Find You - Daniel Johnston
    Don't be sad, I know you will. But don't give up until true love will find you in the end.
  • Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake
    So I'll leave the ways that are making me be what I really don't want to be. I'll leave the ways that are making me love what I really don't want to love.
  • Cast Of Thousands - Darren Hanlon
    We broke up about a year ago--we split amicably, of course. Then I heard about your accident. You fell off a horse. Ha, ha, ha.*** You had a cast of thousands (of signatures). And charts recording fluctuating temperatures. You handed me a pen and pointed just below the knee. It's nice to know there's part of you reserved for me.

*Sometimes I wonder at the gall of the Beatles lyrics. Because you know they had about 5 years of their lives total that a lady might have possibly not treated them 'right' before they went on the road and slept in mattresses made of groupies. But goodness, they did lay claim to all those wonderfully simple love-song pop rhymes.

**This whole album, All Things Must Pass, is wonderfully soothing. I guess some would argue that it's the kirtan meditation influence...

***In the version he did live.


Anonymous said...

I read your entry, and I felt a heavy break-up heart (a heart that lurks behind my regular heart, even when I'm not in love and breaking up. An omnipresent -omnipotent? - potential heart). And I cried. And what puzzles me is that my paramount break up song (other than Boy from Tupelo, by Emmy Lou Harris, and Ballad of a Runaway Horse, by Emmylou Harris, and Where does the Good Go by Tegan and Sarah) is Fidelity by Regina Spektor. Such a happy Aha Love! song. But somehow so potent in defining the magic of initial love and eventual breakup. So more of a Aha Sadness! song, really.
love you (aha love!)

Carrie said...

Aw, thanks. I'm sorry it made you cry. I've been meaning for ages to collect "happy and healthy" breakup songs. This list isn't it--there's a little too much anger and mope. But "Fidelity" and "Red Rubber Ball" would both definitely fit in. Unfortunately, I spent pretty much every moment at the beginning of the relationship listening to Begin to Hope, so for now, Fidelity is still a little too bittersweet.