It turns out that my new camera does work, but it will under no circumstances talk to my computer and tell it what it's seen.
Therefore, I went out and bought a $500 phone* with a 2.0 megapixel camera on it. Problem solved. Except for the problem of how will I pay for food for the rest of the semester? I've written out a budget. It seems that my cats' food costs almost as much as mine (not counting coffee shops and the weekend breakfasts at the Omelettry; they don't go with me there)!
*not an iPhone, and I did get a substantial discount for contract renewal.
Anyway, I've been checking my mailbox almost hourly for the phone (it's being shipped). I feel like I'm reliving that Calvin and Hobbes story arc where he checked every day for his mail-order beanie. I'm going to as disappointed as Calvin if when my phone arrives, it doesn't make me fly.
I'm lucky Xander has such a nice personality. I couldn't take living with Hobbes's constant snark and judgement. Xander does have similar appreciation for a good cardboard box, though.