2006, you weasel! but what a way to go.

i've tossed out all the rancid produce in my fridge, hung up pictures and shelves in my apartment, and am fully ready for a fresh start.

i know i'm not updating much. there is nothing to say that's not sturmundrang, and that's tedious, and exactly what this webpage is not made for.

even though my trip home was short, it felt like i got to spend a lot of time with my family. i updated then deleted that i cut all my hair off christmas morning. i am an asymptote, approaching starbuck.

overheard again

And, once again. FAMOUS!!! [just to avoid the confusion of last time, i did submit this one, and i was not the one who wanted to wear baggy clothes; i've probably told most of you this story already]

offsides

at soccer, the team kindly enacted an off-sides violation to help me understand the rule.

i spent the rest of the practice shouting things like "okay, i'm offsides now, right?" or "i'm not offsides now, right? i'm just being lazy?" continuously revealing that their enactment had done me no good, and that I clearly didn't understand the offsides rule.

why is everyone asleep? godsdamn it, people, wake up! it's barely today yet!

nerdly humor

On Battlestar Galactica, the admiral is always saying on the phone things like: "This is Galactica Actual, go ahead." or "This is Galactica Actual, state your position." Eventually one of us said "You know when they say 'Galactica Actual'?" "Yeah..." "..... does anyone know what that means?" "It means it's actually, you know, Galactica." "But what else would it possibly be? This is Galactica, PSYCH!" "This is Galactica....... NOT!" (a la Borat).

it's at the point in the evening when i will either pour myself a second glass of wine (leaving just enough in the bottle that i would most likely finish off the bottle, paula poundstone and the pop-tarts style), or floss my teeth.

considering how my tummy feels after a day's diet of brownies and cheese fries, i'm guess it'll be the latter. flossing is fun!

k, bye!!

i think it was my brother who once gave me the very sweet advice to "stop being such a bitch." and i don't mean that sarcastically. it was sweet because it implied i am not always a bitch, but i was being one right then. i'm sure there's a verb tense for that in russian. anyway, starting today, i am going to stop being such a bitch. which is going to be hard because i'm not going to be getting much sleep this week.

last night my friend said i looked like the cat that ate the canary. so, resolution #1 of my new goal: stop smirking so much. basically, if i can get it down to smirking 50% of the time, that'll be an improvement. if i can keep the corners of my mouth from curling quite so much, i will instantaneously stop being SUCH a bitch.

is it lame of me to get thrilled when i have an alphebetizing job? i get down on the floor and begin sorting, sorting, sorting all these proxy forms, and i feel so content. it would be even better if i had my ipod.

syzygy: i was thinking "if only there were a course i could take on telling my heart how to behave." and then i read the description of the Informal Class: Claiming Your Emotional Intelligence. It was perfect! Of course there are more details to that story, but I'm not going to tell them because I am Not a Bitch.

Discovery of the weekend: Triumph Cafe. Also, don't assume spice jars come with those tops that are for sprinkling. If you make that assumption, you could very well pour half the jar of spice on your food. Twice.

so, i'm famous AGAIN! yes, you can have my autograph. form an orderly queue.

no, REALLY this time!!

I think I've miraculously not once this semester yet wailed "I'm going to fail both these classes!" like I usually do.

EVEN THOUGH I AM GOING TO FAIL BOTH OF MY CLASSES!

AND yes. because i'm supposed to be smarting myself up with study, i instead am remembering all the important things that i needed to update. things that kept making me smile today:

• me: [pretending to be snobby. pretending, honest!!] what could be better than having LoneStar while riding in the back of a sweet honda civic you ask? well, i for one would prefer martinis riding along the countryside in daddy's jaguar.
  guys who like cars in the car with me: [snickering]
  me: what?
  guys: more like sipping your martinis on the side of the road as you wait for AAA to come get all the way out to the countryside to tow your jaguar back to town.
• one of the same above guys earnestly informing me that he did not put any rupees in my LoneStar. i believed him, too!

i think palinodes are kind of unnecessary in a blog (I mean, just delete the post you mean to redact, right?), but i would like to say for the record, the raisins aren't really jerks. they're okay after all, and so am i. i turned out to not be so smrt (i was psyching myself up for an exam that ended up not happening). anyway, TOMORROW i will be the sharpest, nonjerk raisin in the box.

cleverest raisin in the box!

mediocre people do exceptional things all the time

could have been a genius if i had an axe to grind.

i am so smrt!! right now!

in that certain things should be said to the face, i'm a believer

what's up with this raisin bran? the raisins are as hard as rocks!

the raisins are jerks and as soon as i finish this box off, i am making a mix cd about how much i don't like raisins!

me: mom, you know how sometimes i forget my credit card at home? and i forget i forgot my credit card at home, until i get to the front of the grocery line? but i have that emergency credit card you gave me a long time ago?
mom: yeah.
me: and so every once in a while i use that to pay for stuff?
mom: yeah... have you done that again?
me: yeah, i bought a lot of frozen lunches today at the grocery store, and had to use your card.
mom: that's ok
me: that's so great that that's ok. thank you. oh, and i also might have charged like a few dollars at the coffee shop yesterday because i was so cold.
mom: oh, ok, just like a few dollars?
me: yeah, like $5 because . oh oh! and also, maybe part of a meal at a thai restaurant.
mom: ....
me: and...
mom: ummmm
me: .... i think i lost my credit card. again.
mom: and your debit card?
me: oh, i lost that months ago.