Wow. I've never had to work so hard to work. See:

1) I want obsessively not to finalize this stupid paper I've been working on for a month. I should just get it over with, right? No, procrastination continually scrambles to find a foothold on anything and pull me away from what I should be doing.

2) And what a thing it has found foothold in! It is a constant, unsuccessul talking-to my mind is getting. My mind says "No, find the breakdown of energy use by sector," and I answer "No! I want to find Doctor Who blogs! And folk music blogs!" See, I'm having twin obsessive compulsive urges in the positive. Matched with the first obsessive-compulsive urge in the negative, it's a miracle I'm so close to finally finishing ("finishing") this project. This will be the third time I've finished this project.

So. If music blogs hadn't just come out with their Best of 2007 lists. If Doctor Who weren't hilariously transparent in his commitment issues (and in this incarnation, played by an actor that I know has a Scottish accent, underneath his Doctor Who talk). If I had any interest at this point in the year-long course I'm signed up for on Russian transportation policy. If I could get this one song out of my head and could at least temporarily stop trolling the music blogs! Then maybe this report would be top-notch, and done.

Ohhh....there' so much else I want to say, that I've been thinking about writing about. I realize that a few years ago (even before this blog regenerated into it's current form. Not unlike Doctor Who. Shut up, me!) I suddenly became really self-conscious about my writing style, and I find it hard to write. Even in the privacy of my own home journal. This is really an inhibition for blogging day-to-day (or month-to-month in my case currently). Also, the cats don't say much entertaining, and the only social interactions I've had since returning last week were at work and school. This is not an excuse for my month at home--my family said plenty entertaining. But the truth is I can't be bothered to figure out how to translate the humor of it. Tell me, does this work? We were all at the sushi bar:

Lilbrudder: Sis, do you want another crawfish roll?
Me: Um, not...no. Mom, do you want one?
Mom: Did you not like them?
Me: Not really, I don't know, they were okay.
[I turn to my other side to get plate from bro to pass to mom. Find him staring at me.]
Me: What?
[beat]
Me: What??
Lilbrudder: I'm trying to think of some way to make fun of you for not liking the crawfish rolls.
[Mom and I wait with bated breath]
[bro still making steady, weird eye-contact]
[beat]
Lilbrudder: Dork.


Nice.

I know it's probably annoying to some of you (especially given my current email phobia) to not have any idea what I'm actually doing with my life. But then it also seems like such a boring thing to update. So, here's what I'll be doing for this semester, mostly likely: 3 courses at LBJ (econ, psychology of management, transportation policy and GHG emissions. blah), 1 course at ACC (GIS systems), 1 kickboxing class, applying for summer internships (India or DC or New Orleans), getting ready for a May course in India (i.e. trying to rent out my condo, store my stuff). And, oh, safe to say, watching Doctor Who, and I would assume also Torchwood, the spinoff.

See, when I get to this type of updating, I have to delete sentences like "I watered my plants both today, AND yesterday!" But it's true that I did water my plants both today and yesterday. And the day before. What's sad about that is they are very, very, very clearly dead. Like, if I touch them, they crumble to dust. Me watering the plants is not unlike this story of the family dog who dug up the family cat and cleaned it off in the night to sleep next to it. Poor thing, my neighbors think, watching me water away, she doesn't understand the difference between alive and dead.